Genre: Fantasy, action adventure
Running Time: 1 Hour 50 Minutes
Director: Tarsem Singh
Cast: Henry Cavill, Mickey Rourke, Luke Evans, Isabel Lucas, Freida Pinto
Synopsis: “A purported bastard who retains an allegiance to his mother despite the fact that he longs to join the quest of a king who is battling demons in ancient Greece later embarks on a grail of discovery that has him finding he is the king’s son and also fated to become his country’s greatest hero as he leads the successful war against longimprisoned Titans who are hoping to use the demons to restore their power” (Nusantara Edaran Films).
Verdict: If you liked 300, watch it again instead going for this utter rubbish. No, wait. You know what, even if you hated 300, watch it again instead of this also. Immortals is horribly written with a stupid plot, accompanied by plenty of unnecessary gore, weak leading performance by Henry Cavill, and ugly costume designs. The only thing I’m pleased from watching this crap is seeing the great veteran actor John Hurt still healthy and well. He plays the human disguise of Zeus (Luke Evans). If Zack Snyder was the director, I believe the film would not have turned out as badly. Tarsem Singh tried his best to imitate his techniques but it’s only as great as any copycat could had done it.
Explanation please? I don’t know nuts about Greek mythology and I bet I’m not the only one. The fuckin’ movie leaves many things unexplained. Either that or they are mere plotholes. Why are the Epirus Bow and the Titans left in the human realm? Not to mention, ALIVE. What were the gods thinking? Leave them there so that if they escaped, humans would be in danger instead of heaven? Nonsense.
Useless dumb horny oracle, [SPOILER BEGINS HERE] First of all, why the fuck does she, Phaedra (Freida Pinto), still pray when it should be quite clear to her that gods do not respond to them? If the damned slut didn’t advice Theseus (Henry Cavill) to go bury her dead mum, nobody would had found the damn bow. Then the smart bitch go and loses her precious virginity and her gift before the whole god damn thing ends. I said GOD damn. Ha-ha-ha. Sorry [SPOILER ENDS HERE].
Least favourite scene/ the ending: [SPOILER BEGINS HERE] I shall not start on how villains let the protagonists recover instead of killing them right away when the chance presents itself. I shall not complain how villains, when they have a godly weapon in their hands, they don’t blast it at the good guys until they are all dead. I shall not say that the fight between the five gods and the Titans is like Power Rangers versus the Ooze-lings. I shall not wonder how the fuck Hyperion (Mickey Rourke) knows where to find the Titans but not the Epirus Bow. I shall not question the gods for not taking back the bow back home when the villain is looking for it. I shall insult the Titans for not knowing how to jump out of the freakin’ cave after being able to KILL GODS [SPOILER ENDS HERE].
Malaysian censorship & subtitles: DO NOT WATCH IT AT LOCAL CINEMAS. It is heavily censored and there are subtitle mistranslations. On second thought, just don’t watch it at all.
Rating: 0.5 / 5
Second opinion: “So violent! I closed my eyes at some of the scenes!” (Iris Loong).
Courtesy of Nuffnang, I’ve seen the film before 11.11.11, its official release date.