Battleship (2012) | Movie review

Battleship 2012 film movie poster

Rated: PG-13
Genre: Sci-fi action, naval war
Running Time: 2 Hours 12 Minutes
Director: Peter Berg
Cast: Taylor Kitsch, Alexander Skarsgård, Rihanna, Brooklyn Decker, Tadanobu Asano and Liam Neeson

Synopsis: “Peter Berg (Hancock) produces and directs Battleship, an epic-scaled action-adventure that unfolds across the seas, in the skies and over land as our planet fights for survival against a superior force. Inspired by Hasbro’s classic naval combat game, Battleship stars Taylor Kitsch as Lt. Alex Hopper, a Naval officer assigned to the USS John Paul Jones; Brooklyn Decker as Sam Shane, a physical therapist and Hopper’s fiancee; Alexander Skarsgård as Hopper’s older brother, Stone, Commanding Officer of the USS Sampson; Rihanna as Petty Officer Raikes, Hopper’s crewmate and a weapons specialist on the USS John Paul Jones; and international superstar Liam Neeson as Hopper and Stone’s superior (and Sam’s father), Admiral Shane. Berg directs this epic action-adventure also produced by Scott Stuber (Couples Retreat), Sarah Aubrey (The Kingdom), Brian Goldner and Bennett Schneir of Hasbro (the Transformers franchise), along with Duncan Henderson (Master and Commander). The film is written by Jon Hoeber & Erich Hoeber (Red)” (United International Pictures).

Verdict: My initial instinct told me that this movie is definitely gonna suck and I should’ve stuck with it instead of wasting my time and money. Battleship is just another uninspiring Americans-save-the-day-and-all-the-action-just-have-to-happen-in-the-United-States alien invasion film. The plot is pathetically cliched and extremely flawed. The corniness, Rihanna’s annoying presence, and the inconsistent physics in the action scenes do not help one bit at all. If it’s not because of the expensive visual effects, the two-hour plus film would’ve been thoroughly unimpressive and boring. Movie based on a board game, huh? They might as well make one for Monopoly.

Second opinion: “It’s better than I thought ’cause I had no interest at all; the CG visuals are cool” (Iris Loong).

Featured guitarist: The awesome Tom Morello from Rage Against the Machine.

Rating: 1.5 / 5

[SPOILER SECTION BEGINS HERE]——————————————————————————————–

Massive plot holes: Useless aliens. They have such advanced technology but opt to only attack the humans with explosive canisters most of the time. Not to mention about their lack of attackers in the air. And conveniently, the protagonist, Hopper (Taylor Kitsch), escapes unhurt thrice when the aliens can easily kill him off. Why? ‘Cause they don’t attack anything that turns non-hostile. JUST HOW DUMB IS THAT? They can’t even get rid of him when Hopper and his two comrades attack them from close range on a small boat. Heck, one of the aliens can’t even handle someone who is just adapting to be a cripple. Hoppers’ ship is supposed to be out of weapons after the aliens drawn first blood but somehow they manage to find some missiles to use later on at night to attack some alien crafts. Now now, how was I supposed to enjoy the action scenes when everything is so flawed?!

Most corny and predictable quote: “That’s right, we’re gonna die. You’re gonna die, I’m gonna die. We’re both gonna die. But just not today.” Zzzzzz.

Most ridiculous scene: When the bunch of retired old navies pose and have their slow motion walk to offer help when all hope is supposedly lost.

Post-credit scene: Basically it shows that one of the alien communication craft’s broken pieces has landed onto a farm in Britain. A few kids and a grown up opens it up and an alien seems to be alive inside. That’s it. Not worth waiting for the damn credits to roll up just to see this.

Taylor Kitsch Battleship
FB Comments
Like & Share This Post


  1. Erin's Big BUT

    I like your frank review. there will be lots of 'Americans-saves-the-day-and-all-the-action-just-have-to-happen-in-the-United-States' this year!LOL
    So please filter them up for me. Thanks!

  2. Benedict

    It may have been obvious to others but it took me a while to understand that the bomb/cannisters are supposed to represent the little thingys (same shape) that we use when playing the game Battleship. Note that when those cannisters align on the ships from front to back, the ships is then sunked as in the game. (you sunk my battleship)

Leave a Reply

Your e-mail address will not be published. Required fields are marked *