Quick Reviews: The Conjuring 2, Ninja Turtles 2

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The Conjuring 2 (2016)

Director: James Wan (Insidious, Fast and Furious 7)
Starring: Vera Farmiga, Patrick Wilson, Frances O’Connor
Malaysia Release Date: 9 June 2016

Verdict: Although it’s somewhat less terrifying than the first film, it has superior acting performances and a lot of heart and soul (no pun intended) to it. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still a freaking scary horror flick with trademark James Wan camera works, creepy atmosphere and great storytelling. Despite the cliches and disappointing final act (with a try-hard clever riddle, torn bible, name and jump scare), The Conjuring 2 can still be considered as one of the best haunted house horrors in recent years. I was, however, disappointed about the “true story” it’s based on. Go find the real footages of the Enfield Poltergeist case, the kids do look like they faked it.

Second opinion: (Sorry, none for this. I watched it alone. Yes, very brave of me.)

Just sayin’… If you’ve seen the film, you’d notice that Ed Warren (Patrick Wilson) has some pretty weak arms and back. He needs the Captain America Helicopter-Pulling Workout.

Malaysian censorship: Doubt there was anything to cut.

Rating: 3.5 / 5

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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows (2016)

Director: Dave Green (Earth to Echo)
Cast: Megan Fox, Will Arnett, Alan Ritchson, Noel Fisher, Jeremy Howard, Pete Ploszek, Stephen Amell, Tyler Perry
Malaysia Release Date: 2 June 2016

Verdict: Typical Michael Bay formula: CGI-fest, crappy plot, unintelligent humour, unengaging action sequences, slomo Megan Fox in skimpy outfits and big heroes vs. alien invasion showdown in New York City. The only campy fun I could get out from this boring-ass, try-hard cartoonish sequel was, again, Michaelangelo. Although they listened to complaints and demands from the disastrous first instalment, Krang, Bebop and Rocksteady’s introductions were highly disappointing and Shredder’s practically still shit (at least he has an Asian face now, I guess?).

The turtles’ personalities remain mostly faithful to the classic adaptations, but their fighting style and decision-making on the other hand… Even black cows crossing the street at night seem more ninja than these huge, loud, silly turtles. Oh right, I almost forgot, they learnt ninjitsu from a book Splinter found from the garbage in the sewers.

Second opinion: My girlfriend, who’s never really seen the old TMNT cartoons and movies, felt that this sequel was entertaining enough.

What I would’ve named the film: “Teenage Mutant Not-So-Ninja Turtles”

Malaysian censorship: I’d be surprised if they actually censored anything at all. Even Megan Fox didn’t show as much skin she did for the Transformers franchise.

Rating: 1.5 / 5

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